To Build A Home

When Jeff and I got married, this was our wedding song.

There is a house built out of stone
Wooden floors, walls and window sills
Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust
This is a place where I don’t feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home

‘Cause, I built a home
For you
For me

Until it disappeared
From me
From you

And now, it’s time to leave and turn to dust

Out in the garden where we planted the seeds
There is a tree as old as me
Branches were sewn by the color of green
Ground had arose and passed its knees

By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top
I climbed the tree to see the world
When the gusts came around to blow me down
I held on as tightly as you held onto me

And, I built a home
For you
For me

Until it disappeared
From me
From you

And now, it’s time to leave and turn to dust

(The Cinematic Orchestra)

He later told me he thought it was the saddest.

And I may have been offended that he didn’t tell me sooner.

It’s (kind of) funny though, because as I’ve pressed into this writing space, the words and the understanding of where our home really waits, wraps me tighter.

And it lets me delight in this home with gratitude.

I’m still walking a grace filled road, but taking those steps has led me to a clearer understanding of this present time.

At the end of it all, my breath and words and love and giving and resting and waiting and growing and building and wrinkling

Will all turn to dust.

Marriage, motherhood, the mundane miracles and all of the mess that makes me—the things you’ll find written here—have given me a new windowsill to sit at and see from.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven…for where your heart is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:19-21)

If the secret is in the keeping of our hearts, I’m ready to gather up the secrets and spill them out over you as we throw them up higher with eyes that see, and ears that hear and hands that touch true treasures.

Thanks for sitting with me awhile.

This home has a space for you, with me.