I must confess I’ve wondered if Mary ever held bitterness as a mother. As the mama, yes, even of Emmanuel. With tired, sunken eyes. And broken words. And misplaced expectations. And her body and mind, plate and time no longer feeling like it belongs, even remotely, to her. My weariness has gone both spoken and […]
Did you know your body holds trauma? Even in little ones who may not have the cognitive ability to communicate it in logic or reason or sentences. Traumatic events can leave us feeling unsafe and disrupt our assumptions and beliefs about life, the entire world around us. Your sense of control can feel shattered and […]
When it’s gone, it’s gone. That’s what I told the boys when the water table was finally filled. They like to dump it. Bucket by bucket. Into the holes, “feeding the flowers”, drowning the ants, into their stomach… Thank goodness grace doesn’t work this way, am I right? Sometimes I think there could never be […]
I definitely judged a mom once for saying she was annoyed with her kid. Then this morning my feet flew out the door as fast as they could — after emptying the three year old’s pee and putting my shoes on and kissing my babies goodbye since I knew I’d miss them within ten seconds […]
Protect your peace I’ve heard these three words many times in the last eight months. They’ve become my bread each day. What manna do you daily take and eat? It has been eight days since Easter and I have seen the crushing weight of my sin meeting my breathless love for my Savior. I have […]
Nine minutes till the Bachelor. Not even, just the really unnecessary Women Tell All part of the show that my sweet man would tell me to turn off before I turn it on. Can I tell you something really annoying about me? I always, always look up all the spoilers for The Bachelor–like one split second before it airs. […]
I was pulling stems off of grapes so my one year old wouldn’t choke on them today. Even though my eye was twinging and I was daydreaming about that hot shower that’s been absent for two days, it felt like love. These days won’t be wasted, I keep promising myself that. Even on the days […]
Do you do as you please? It’s so much easier to do it, all of it, for ourselves. Staring blankly at the wall, time feels slow, and abrupt all at once, and I let out a giant sigh. I hear William through the walls singing his version of goodnight prayers and Grayson is moaning himself […]
Love you, babe. That’s what my PopPop always said, to everyone. It didn’t matter who you were. And this is the PopPop I knew the last many years. I’ve been at a loss for words since he passed. The last week has felt like a blur. And I’ve missed him so much already. To think […]
29 thoughts for 2019 and my twenty-ninth year, through hands wide open. Take them, leave them, share them, but most of all thanks for reading them. You all have been such a tremendous gift to me this year as I navigate the balance of words and this seemingly always chaotically, beautiful life. 1. Peace can […]
